Funny Jokes

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years, he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital in Washington D.C.
He motioned for his nurse to come near.

“Yes, Father?” said the nurse

“I would really like to see President Bill and Senator Hillary Clinton before I die,” whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father” replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; the Clintons would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Bill, “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I’m IN IT TO WIN IT.”

Bill agreed–it was a very good thing for her campaign once they put out a press release about it.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the old priest took Bill’s hand in his right hand and Hillary’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally Bill Clinton spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

“Amen” said Bill.

“Amen” said Hillary.

The old priest continued…

“He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.”

(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Hillary went into a pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot. “Does this parrot talk?” she asked. “Yes, he does,” the manager told her. “But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?” she asked. “Well, ma’am,” the manager told her, “not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whorehouse, and his language is terrible.”

“Well, I want him,” she said. “Suit yourself,” the manager shrugged. When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye, and said, “New house, new madam.” Hillary laughed.

Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird. “New house, new whores,” the parrot observed. At first they were offended, but when Hilary explained about the bird’s history, they too, laughed at him.

A few minutes later, the president entered the living quarters. The parrot looked up from his feeder and said, “Hi, Bill.”

(2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5)

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George W. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. The driver tried to get out of the way, but he hit him. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. He came out with a beer, a cigar, and a tons of money. Bush saw this and said, “My God, what did you tell them?”

The driver replied, “I told them that I’m George W. Bush’s driver and I just killed the pig.”

(2 votes, average: 2.5 out of 5)

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Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country.

Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out,

“Earthquake!” The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.

Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given Al yelled out,

“Tornado!” Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking, “I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall.” He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled,

“Fire!”

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost. Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.

(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.

And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?” Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in.

When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. “How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said. Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.”

St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?”

Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?” St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”

(1 votes, average: 2 out of 5)

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