A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?
“No, because he’s really heavy”.
(6 votes, average: 4.17 out of 5)
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A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he’s willing to bet anyone who says he can’t.
The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, “What’s the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?” The dog answers “ROOF.” The bartender says, “Who are you kidding? I’m not paying.” The dogs owner says, “How about double or nothing and I’ll ask him something else”.
The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, “Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time”. The dog answers with a muffled “RUTH.” With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says “DiMaggio?”.
(5 votes, average: 3.6 out of 5) Loading ...
What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps?
- To get a diarrhea!
(3 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5) Loading ...
Hot summer, ninety degrees. A rabbit seats in the shadow of a tree and sharpens a stick with a knife.
A wolf passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick in order to kill the bear.
- ???
A vixen passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick in order to kill the bear.
- ???
The bear passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick and bull $hitting.
(7 votes, average: 3.71 out of 5) Loading ...
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”
(4 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5) Loading ...
A burglar is breaking into a home and as he comes into the living room he hears ” God is watching you”. Upon hearing this he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner and says ,” What is your name?” . The bird replies ,” Moses”. The burglar laughs and says ” What kind of idiot names thier parrot Moses?! ” And the bird replies ” The same idiot who named his Rottweiler - God .”
More Info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rottweiler 
(5 votes, average: 4.2 out of 5) Loading ...
