Funny Jokes

Superman is flying around one day and he’s feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is. Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay. Superman then tells him that he couldn’t do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away.

Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he’s swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is. Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up. Disgruntled Superman takes to the air and flies about.

He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle. He thinks I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she’ll never know what hit her. So, he flies down does his business and id 4 seconds he’s back in the air flying away. Wonder Woman looks up and says “What was that?”

Invisible Man says: “I don’t know but my ass hurts!”

(16 votes, average: 3.94 out of 5)

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A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him:

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be held against you.” The drunk replies, “Tits.”

(7 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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“Send someone over quickly!” the old woman screamed into the phone. “Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window.”

“This is the Fire Department, lady,” the voice replied. “I’ll have to transfer you to the Police Department.”

“No, it’s you I want,” she yelled. “They need a longer ladder!”

(5 votes, average: 4.8 out of 5)

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A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, “Where the hell have you been?”

“I was out getting a tattoo.”

“A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?”

“I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis.”

“What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?”

“Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow. Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money. And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!”

(8 votes, average: 4.38 out of 5)

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A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile and the barman tells him he cant bring that in here. So the guys says that he’s a softy and wouldn’t harm anyone and i can prove it.
He asks the barman if he has a baseball bat, “sure here” said the barman. The guy drops his pants and everyone in the bar looks in horror when he puts his dick in the crocs mouth.
He swings the bat and hits the croc on the head and takes his dick out and shows everyone, “see not a mark”
the guy then asks if anyone wants to try and all the guys turn away.
A bonde puts her hand up and says “i will, just don’t hit me on the head so hard ok”

(3 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.

“If you win, you’re entitled to free sex,” said the attendant.

“How do we enter?” asked the first man.

“Well, I’m thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex.”

“O.K. I guess 7, ” said the first man.

“Sorry, I was thinking of 8,” replied the attendant. “Come back soon and try again”

The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the second man asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.

“Sure,” replied the attendant. “I’m thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free sex.”

“2″ said the second man

“Sorry, I was thinking of 3,” replied the attendant. “Come back soon and try again.”

As they walked back to the car, the first man said to the second man,”You know, I’m beginning to think this contest is rigged.”

“No way,” said the second man. “My wife won twice last week.”

(7 votes, average: 4.57 out of 5)

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